Monday, 17 September 2012

It's been a while, but I guess I just couldn't find myself...

Here it goes... so, for those of you who follow, you may have realized I have not posted in a VERY VERY VERY long time. A whole 3 months that is. To be honest, I just haven't been myself for a long time. The very things that make me, me and inspire me seem to have just checked-out, and so has my desire to look for them.

It''s a strange feeling to lose oneself, and not one I want to continue experiencing. I feel like this post is my plea to that higher being, or more important, to myself to leave this empty self who has not been happy. I could go on for pages and pages about why I think I let my authentic self escape, and the reasons and psychologies behind it. But for now, I am going to leave that all behind and just look forward. Leaving the past in the past and focusing on the amazing adventures that are yet to come in my life.

I am, however, going to share what I believed helped me realize what I was doing to myself, and say that, enough is enough.

Do you ever find yourself seeing repeating"signs"? Whether it be a sequence of numbers, or words, or a song playing that seems to be speaking directly to you and only you. But, if you are like me, as soon as I acknowledge that there is a sign blinking in my face, I dismiss my realization as a coincidence or I try to rationale these "ordinary" occurrences. I do not understand why, as a society, we are so afraid of the universe's help, or divine intervention. Every bit of "magic" in the world needs to be logically explained.  In turn, it makes us feel more and more alone in the world.

The more I am honest with myself and look to the amazing and intuitive people in my life, it no longer makes sense to dismiss some of the signs I see. My intuition has always been the most realiable tool in my life, why would I start ignoring it now?

Lately, there is an image that is popping up several times throughout the day. It is the last thing to dance across my vision every night and the first thing to reappear every morning. It took me a long time to realize it was directed at me and stop ignoring a very blatant sign.

I have this large lululemon tote that I carry with me EVERYWHERE! haha I often refer to myself as the "bag lady". This bag carries a vast array of items, which mostly are for work, but because I worked ALL THE TIME this summer, is was always with me. Rather then unpack and repack from night to day, it became my miscellaneous "go-to" bag and thus, forcing me to take it with me everywhere.

So, this bag, as many of the lululemon bags has the company's manifesto on it. There are a lot of really inspiring quotes and instructions, however, there was one that seemed to flash and blink at me every time the bag was in my eye shot. It's a large bag with a lot of things written on it, but I SWEAR this one group of 12 words was always pointed directly into my eye sight. Every single time I looked it  "Waking up two days in a row uninspired? Change your life!" was pointing right back at me.

 The rest of the saying may as well been blurred because it was the only thing I saw (Do one thing a day that scares you." is nice too). Even though it was "blinking" and "flashing" for my attention, for one reason or another I only read it several times a day and did nothing with this much needed request . Yesterday morning I woke up and sure enough, my eyes opened up to: "Waking up two days in a row uninspired? Change your life!" This day however, I actually thought, huh.. two days eh... wait two how about like 100?!!? With this realization, a bit of panic crept in. The panic of, "Oh god I have let well over 100 days of my precious life pass without feeling inspired?!!??! How could I have let this happen! I will never get them back!!!!" I have always believed that a day without inspiration is possibly the worst thing that could ever happen. Here I was, allowing this to repeatedly happen!

The fear and remorse I felt about letting this happen had to stop. Otherwise, day number 101 was going to be added to the tally. So, here I am, deciding to move forward. Not regarding the last 100 days as time wasted, but looking at today as the first day that I will not let another one pass by without inspiration.

Today', I started doing something I had been putting off for a long time. I do not know why I had, and it was just a start and no huge accomplishment yet, but it will be if all goes well. So, there's a little teaser for you, I have something big planned, but it will have to wait until I keep the step going.

For now, here is the Holstee Manifesto, which always bring light and inspiration into my life.


-Em :)

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